Made In Chelsea’s Sri Lanka trip stirs up trouble and romance


Ollie’s back on the scene. He’s stumbling out of a cab with Toff, in matching chequered coats, still drunk from whatever matching-coat party they went to the night before.

They’re popping in for a tipple with Stanley, who is so used to Toff showing up late these days that he’s already whipped out the chess board for a Stanley vs Stanley smack-down.

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Ollie's back on the scene: He's stumbling out of a cab with Toff, in matching chequered coats, still drunk from whatever matching-coat party they went to the night before

Ollie's back on the scene: He's stumbling out of a cab with Toff, in matching chequered coats, still drunk from whatever matching-coat party they went to the night before

Ollie’s back on the scene: He’s stumbling out of a cab with Toff, in matching chequered coats, still drunk from whatever matching-coat party they went to the night before

Too many to remember: 'I'm pretty sure Iv'e got a grandson called Oliver,' Stanley recalls, on meeting Ollie

Too many to remember: 'I'm pretty sure Iv'e got a grandson called Oliver,' Stanley recalls, on meeting Ollie

Too many to remember: ‘I’m pretty sure Iv’e got a grandson called Oliver,’ Stanley recalls, on meeting Ollie

‘I’m pretty sure I’ve got a grandson called Oliver,’ Stanley recalls, on meeting Ollie. Poor little Oliver Johnson. Somewhere he’s sitting alone under a flight of stairs, his head in his knees, rocking back and forth, still waiting for Grandpa to nip round with a souvenir from I’m A Celebrity.

A hat or a T-shirt with a phone number on it or Ant’s security pass into the catering tent.

They discuss the seemingly forgotten James, who has spent the last few episodes with his nose in a book at a library somewhere, throwing himself into his studies while Toff films segments in Kentucky Fried Chicken in Epsom, for This Morning.

But alas; Toff is interested in him again. ‘He lives right on Green Park,’ she says, listing the best thing about him first. ‘He once spun me round on his Lazy Susan and I liked it.’

Back on Toff's radar: They discuss the seemingly forgotten James, who has spent the last few episodes with his nose in a book at a library somewhere, throwing himself into his studies

Back on Toff's radar: They discuss the seemingly forgotten James, who has spent the last few episodes with his nose in a book at a library somewhere, throwing himself into his studies

Back on Toff’s radar: They discuss the seemingly forgotten James, who has spent the last few episodes with his nose in a book at a library somewhere, throwing himself into his studies

Bad blood: Digby and Liv have a blazing row. It's the kind of row you think to yourself 'I really hope her plane doesn't go down over the Laccadive Sea because this will be a really tragic twist'

Bad blood: Digby and Liv have a blazing row. It's the kind of row you think to yourself 'I really hope her plane doesn't go down over the Laccadive Sea because this will be a really tragic twist'

Bad blood: Digby and Liv have a blazing row. It’s the kind of row you think to yourself ‘I really hope her plane doesn’t go down over the Laccadive Sea because this will be a really tragic twist’

This prompts Stanley to spin a yarn about how he was once at a party (in 1799) where Lady Caroline Lamb was presented in a silver platter, naked, to those in attendance. One presumes Stanley then chucked his keys into said platter and the evening really got started.

Miles is really excited because he’s getting to go on his first MIC holiday. Less thrilled about it is Digby who pops round to bid Liv farewell, only for them to have a blazing row about the fact that he’s not invited.

It’s the kind of row you think to yourself ‘I really hope her plane doesn’t go down over the Laccadive Sea because this will be a really tragic twist’.

She storms off to meet Harry, only to discover Melissa is coming too. Melissa announces this by sitting in the back of the car and creepily winding the electric window down when Liv is about to get in. It’s a bit like she’s Lady Penelope in FAB 1, only with tinted windows and without Parker.

Along for the ride: Liv learns that Melissa is coming to Sri Lanka. Melissa announces this by sitting in the back of a car and creepily winding the electric window down when Liv is about to get in

Along for the ride: Liv learns that Melissa is coming to Sri Lanka. Melissa announces this by sitting in the back of a car and creepily winding the electric window down when Liv is about to get in

Along for the ride: Liv learns that Melissa is coming to Sri Lanka. Melissa announces this by sitting in the back of a car and creepily winding the electric window down when Liv is about to get in

Mother may she? Habbs immediately notices that Sam has a good body, setting the scene for a holiday romance

Mother may she? Habbs immediately notices that Sam has a good body, setting the scene for a holiday romance

Mother may she? Habbs immediately notices that Sam has a good body, setting the scene for a holiday romance

When they arrive at their destination, Habbs immediately notices that Sam has a good body, setting the scene for a holiday romance. With any luck it will be as successful as Sam’s last holiday romance, with Mimi.

Liv has taken Harry off on his own to a neighbouring pool so she can insult Melissa. ‘She’s boring. Can’t she stay in her room?’ she says. Harry calculates that this is precisely why she doesn’t like Digby anymore.

They all go out that evening and watch natives throwing sticks of fire around on a beach. Melissa confronts Liv about her comments and Liv tells her that she is indeed boring and that it’s a real inconvenience that she decided to come to Sri Lanka to advertise her swimwear range.

All this results in some of Liv’s trademark breathless crying which, in turn, makes Melissa cry even though she was just slagging her right off.

Leave me breathless: Melissa confronts Liv about her comments and Liv tells her that she is indeed boring and that it's a real inconvienece that she decided to come to Sri Lanka to advertise her swimwear range

Leave me breathless: Melissa confronts Liv about her comments and Liv tells her that she is indeed boring and that it's a real inconvienece that she decided to come to Sri Lanka to advertise her swimwear range

Leave me breathless: Melissa confronts Liv about her comments and Liv tells her that she is indeed boring and that it’s a real inconvienece that she decided to come to Sri Lanka to advertise her swimwear range

Sympathy: All this results in some of Liv's trademark breathless crying which, in turn, makes Melissa cry even though she was just slagging her right off

Sympathy: All this results in some of Liv's trademark breathless crying which, in turn, makes Melissa cry even though she was just slagging her right off

Sympathy: All this results in some of Liv’s trademark breathless crying which, in turn, makes Melissa cry even though she was just slagging her right off

Back in London, Louise tells Ryan that she’s fine about not being in Sri Lanka. She also pronounces ‘Sri’ phonetically, rather than the way it’s supposed to be pronounced (‘Shri’). This bodes well seeing as she’s writing a book.

Sure enough, there’s James, in a library. This time it’s the library of The University Women’s Club, which really warrants some kind of explanation, no?

Toff and Ollie storm in. Ollie seems to be an alcoholic these days as he has a hip flask with him. He plops a snifter of whatever’s inside it into James’ coffee and gives him a naughty wink. Toff then gets a phone call and has to rush out because her ringer isn’t on silent. By this point The University Women’s Club cannot stick these two. 

Tongue-tied: Back in London, Louise tells Ryan that she's fine about not being in Sri Lanka. She also pronounces 'Sri' phonetically, rather than the way it's supposed to be pronounced ('Shri'). This bodes well seeing as she's writing a book

Tongue-tied: Back in London, Louise tells Ryan that she's fine about not being in Sri Lanka. She also pronounces 'Sri' phonetically, rather than the way it's supposed to be pronounced ('Shri'). This bodes well seeing as she's writing a book

Tongue-tied: Back in London, Louise tells Ryan that she’s fine about not being in Sri Lanka. She also pronounces ‘Sri’ phonetically, rather than the way it’s supposed to be pronounced (‘Shri’). This bodes well seeing as she’s writing a book

Don't tell Digs: Liv and Miles jump into the pool after another 44 Bahama Mamas. Liv unfortunately chooses to throw her arms around a slippery Miles, who has to bite his inner cheek to stop from howling at the pain he's feeling in his raw, sun-burnt shoulders

Don't tell Digs: Liv and Miles jump into the pool after another 44 Bahama Mamas. Liv unfortunately chooses to throw her arms around a slippery Miles, who has to bite his inner cheek to stop from howling at the pain he's feeling in his raw, sun-burnt shoulders

Don’t tell Digs: Liv and Miles jump into the pool after another 44 Bahama Mamas. Liv unfortunately chooses to throw her arms around a slippery Miles, who has to bite his inner cheek to stop from howling at the pain he’s feeling in his raw, sun-burnt shoulders

Ollie insists that he’s going to help James with Toff (before taking another swig of meths from his flask and winking with his second eye).

Back in Sri Lanka, Liv is numbing her devastation with Piña Coladas. She’s on her 24th and she’s stumbling down the beach steps to find Miles and Sam, who are being rubbed by a pair of Sinhalese women. ‘Show us ya anklet!’ she demands of Miles, who thus far this trip has done nothing but burn to a crisp.

However, this turns into a raucous evening which sees Liv and Miles jump into the pool after another 44 Bahama Mamas. Don’t worry, they remain clothed; but Liv unfortunately chooses to throw her arms around a slippery Miles, who has to bite his inner cheek to stop from howling at the pain he’s feeling in his raw, sun-burnt shoulders.

Midnight dip: This gets back to Digby in Chelsea, via the medium of digital photography and a healthy international data roaming plan

Midnight dip: This gets back to Digby in Chelsea, via the medium of digital photography and a healthy international data roaming plan

Midnight dip: This gets back to Digby in Chelsea, via the medium of digital photography and a healthy international data roaming plan

Bad news: Mytton, who loves a drama,  practically erects his projector and slides to show Digby what's going on on the holiday

Bad news: Mytton, who loves a drama,  practically erects his projector and slides to show Digby what's going on on the holiday

Bad news: Mytton, who loves a drama, practically erects his projector and slides to show Digby what’s going on on the holiday

Liv-id! Digby is not amused at what he sees is happening in Sri Lanka

Liv-id! Digby is not amused at what he sees is happening in Sri Lanka

Liv-id! Digby is not amused at what he sees is happening in Sri Lanka

This gets back to Digby in Chelsea, via the medium of digital photography and a healthy international data roaming plan. He’s with Mytton, who loves a drama, and practically erects his projector and slides to show Digby what’s going on on the holiday. 

Digby is livid. He’s Liv-id!

While this smut is happening in the pool, Habbs and Sam are kissing to the soundtrack of a remixed version of Wannabe. If you’re not Shazamming that, you’re kidding yourself.

If you wannabe my lover: While this smut is happening in the pool, Habbs and Sam are kissing to the soundtrack of a remixed version of Wannabe

If you wannabe my lover: While this smut is happening in the pool, Habbs and Sam are kissing to the soundtrack of a remixed version of Wannabe

If you wannabe my lover: While this smut is happening in the pool, Habbs and Sam are kissing to the soundtrack of a remixed version of Wannabe

Leave me breathless... again: Liv starts the breathless crying again and weeps into her Brinjal Eggplant about how she's going to break his heart

Leave me breathless... again: Liv starts the breathless crying again and weeps into her Brinjal Eggplant about how she's going to break his heart

Leave me breathless… again: Liv starts the breathless crying again and weeps into her Brinjal Eggplant about how she’s going to break his heart

Ollie has set up a lunch of champagne and oysters for James and Toff. James can’t partake in the latter, however, lest he go into anaphylaxis and Toff has to stab him through the heart with his EpiPen.

On their final night in Sri Lanka, the group are having a sort of UN Summit-type dinner in which they are all telling Liv that she’s now horribly boring and needs to dump Digby immediately. She starts the breathless crying again and weeps into her Brinjal Eggplant about how she’s going to break his heart. 

Meanwhile, in the corner, Miles’ hair is becoming curlier by the second, and he’s starting to look like Monica from Friends when they went to Barbados.

Are you leaving the Supremes? Meanwhile, in the corner, Miles' hair is becoming curlier by the second, and he's starting to look like Monica from Friends when they went to Barbados

Are you leaving the Supremes? Meanwhile, in the corner, Miles' hair is becoming curlier by the second, and he's starting to look like Monica from Friends when they went to Barbados

Are you leaving the Supremes? Meanwhile, in the corner, Miles’ hair is becoming curlier by the second, and he’s starting to look like Monica from Friends when they went to Barbados





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