Dear E. Jean: I’ve been married for a year. I feel horrible saying this, but I’m not physically attracted to my husband. We’ve had an incredible relationship except for this one thing. He’s by far the best man I’ve ever met! I truly appreciate and love him, but I want to lust after him a little bit. Is that bad? —Wanting to Want Him
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Wanting, My Duck: Anoint thy loins, woman! Put on thy lingerie! Here’s the démodé solution that Auntie Eeee recommends every two or three years, but that should be mentioned twice every column because it’s so primitive, so profane, so criminal, so simple, so sexy, so impolite, so hot, and so hilarious. And pardon me, it works like a mofo.
I call it “the Camus.” After dinner—with no warning and no Instagramming—instruct the chap to be silent. Take up his table napkin and blindfold him. Just seeing the dude in a blindfold will jolt your idea of him. Then blindfold yourself, and instruct him to lead you to the grotto of orgasms and to seduce you.
Voilà! He’s no longer your husband. You’re in the sack with The Stranger.
Next day, take him to Brooks Brothers or the tack shop or the tractor store and outfit him in the wardrobe you imagined The Stranger wearing the night before. (Auntie Eeee is surprising you with this little twist, eh?) But since (a) nothing creates lust in a woman like fashion, and (b) clothes make the man, ergo (c) dressing the chap in clothes that turn you on will turn you on.
Good luck! Drop me a note and let me know how it goes!
This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Send questions to E. Jean at E.Jean@AskEJean.com.